As soon as the child leaves the mother’s womb to the outside world, contact and sensual connection begin between them, and day after day the attachment to the mother increases, which some mothers describe as the state of sadness they feel at night after their children go to sleep.
Sometimes the mother becomes more attached to her child. She sees her worrying about him while he is playing in the garden for fear that he might fall or be harassed by someone who might harm him. She refuses to let him go on recreational trips at school, thinking that she is protecting him from the dangers he might be exposed to while he is away from her eyes.
The mother may not like to allow her child to spend a day with one of his friends at home, and she may not send him to buy household supplies when he becomes old enough for that. She may be afraid of him riding a bike so that he does not fall, and she is afraid of teaching him martial arts so that he does not get hurt. If she could keep him next to her for 24 hours, she would do so.
Marwa Rajeh, an educational and family consultant, and neuro-linguistic programming trainer, says, “There are two types of attachment: normal attachment, or what is called secure attachment, and satisfactory attachment. What is meant by satisfactory attachment is the mother’s attachment to her child because of her fear for him, so her anxiety for him pushes her to become intensely attached to him so as not to lose him.”
Now discover yourself, is your attachment to your child normal or satisfactory?
Signs of satisfactory attachments:
- I am worried and stressed that my child will not love me.
- I fear the thought of my son not loving me by knowing facts about me.
- I think a lot about my relationship with my child.
- If I am away from my children, I often feel worried about them and missing something.
- I feel afraid whenever I think about my children getting married when they grow up and moving away from me.
- I feel jealous when I find my child loves someone else.
- At the slightest problem with my son, I fear that it will negatively affect our relationship.
- I’m afraid I won’t be a perfect enough mother.
- At times of disagreement, I say something to my son that I later regret.
- I am always afraid that my son will not feel love towards me.
- I am very sensitive to my child’s moods.
- I feel frustrated if my son is affected by someone other than me.
- If my child behaves incorrectly, I am sure that I am the cause of the problem.
- I feel sad if my son stays away from me.
Signs of secure attachment:
- It’s so easy to feel tender and tender with my baby.
- I feel comfortable when my child is with me and I can depend on him.
- I don’t feel the need to prove to my son that I love him.
- I have difficulty expressing my needs to my son.
- Overall, I feel satisfied with my emotional relationship with my son.
- In general I think people are honestand reliable.
- I feel comfortable sharing my personal opinions, thoughts, and feelings with my son.
- If my child upsets me, I prefer to express my feelings to him.
- I feel a little jealous if my son is influenced by someone other than me.
- If my child behaves incorrectly, I feel like I might be the cause of the problem.
